Squatters Along Railway Lines Evicted

Squatters along railways lines around Iju and Agege stations in Lagos State were evicted last weekend, between late in the night of Sunday and early Monday morning. Officials of Nigerian Railway Corporation (NRC) came with bulldozers and heavily armed policemen. The squatters had been previously given 7 days notice by the authority before the demolition exercise. Early this year, the authority had demolished other illegal structures near the railway lines along Yaba, Mushin, Oshodi and Ikeja in Lagos.
Before the demolition, shanty houses made of corrugated iron sheets can be found very close to the railway lines. These structures where so close that one can stretch a hand out of a moving train and touch them.  Apart from adults, there are children or whole families living inside these shanty houses with the risk that one can accidentally step out of the structure and step into the path of a moving train.

This writer learnt that not all the squatters along this railway lines are driven by poverty. There is a case of one squatter who has about 15 okada (commercial motorcycles) that others operate for him. One other squatter has a big generator set which he used to supply electricity to others and he charges them for the use. Yet, another squatter had built a modern toilet which he charges others to use. For such category of squatters we can say greed and the love of money was their motivation.

As of the time of writing this, some of the squatters were trying to salvage what they can out of the demolished structures.

When Changing Lane is Illegal

Adams was driving to his office at Ikeja that Wednesday morning. As usual, he decided to pass through Pen Cinema in Agege. After driving past the railway crossing, he decided to change to the right lane just before he reached the Oba Ogunji statue. This will enable him to turn right and drive straight to Oba Akran Avenue. He changed his lane effortless, without disturbing the free flow of traffics.

Hardly had he changed his lane than a LASTMA traffic official blocked his car, ordering him to pull over to the left for committing traffic offence. At this point, Adams was already making the right turn to take him to Ikeja. "What offense had I committed? I only changed lane and it did not disturb the flow of traffic" he shouted out at the adamant LASTMA traffic official who refuse to budge. By now, a long queue of traffic was already forming behind Adams. Two other LASTMA officials came support the first one, to apprehend Adams. They were trying to force open the doors of his car, which mercifully, were all locked. "Oga, wind up your glass", Adams can hear some passers-by advising him. This he quickly did.

When the LASTMA traffic officials saw that Adams resisted them they started removing the wheel covers of his car. He wanted to turn left to escape via Oba Ogunji Road to Ogba, but the LASTMA officials commanded one other private car to block his exit, which the man obeyed. Seeing this, Adams lowered his window glass slightly and shouted at the driver of the car blocking his escape route, "Mr. Man, what is your business with them? Did I offend you?" On hearing this, the other guy zoomed off with his car, leaving the escape route free for Adams.

As a LASTMA official was coming to block the escape route, Adams pressed down his accelerator, turned sharply right, and his car making a screeching sound, shot forward like a rocket. The LASTMA traffic official that was coming to block his exit jumped out of his path like an Olympic gold medalist. Adams sped away like a maniac, making clean his escape. He lost three wheel covers to the LASTMA traffic officials.

Over-Zealous Traffic Controller

It was one of those traffic-congested days; around lunch break time. Fred was driving from the Computer Village to his office located at Anthony. He needed to get to his office within the next 20 minutes for the presentation in the boardroom. To avoid the usual long lane of traffic congestion that always builds up at Bank-Anthony Way, he decided to drive through the GRA. As he entered Oduduwa Crescent to re-connect to Maryland, he met the traffic go-slow, very thick and slow.

There were 4 lanes in the narrow street road, all going and none coming. Instinctively, he veered to the right-most lane, which was closer to the culvert. The lane was moving faster than others. The left-most lane was facing the oncoming vehicles, which was not supposed to be, and so there was a traffic jam. Only the right-most lane was moving. He counted himself lucky to be in the moving lane. He looked up and observed two LASTMA officials blocking the lane he was taking and another one blocking the left-most lane. They were arresting  those driving through the two outermost lanes. Fred decided to cut to the lane by his left to avoid the LASTMA officials. He managed to force himself to the left lane.

A LASTMA traffic official came and stood in-front of his car, ordering him to turn to the right and pull up. He didn't budge. Another came around to open the passenger door of his car. Fortunately for him, all his doors were locked. "What offense did I commit? Am I facing the on-coming traffic?" he shouted at the one trying to force open his door after sliding his window down just an inch. The LASTMA official pretended not to hear him and another one was coming to join him to apprehend Fred.

Within 2 seconds, Fred decided what to do. There is no way they are going to arrest him, he told himself. He checked his rear-view mirror and discovered that behind him was free as the other cars behind him were turning to other lanes to keep going. He shifted his gear to reverse, press down his accelerator and shot back like a rocket. As he reversed back with speed, all other cars behind him made ways for him to avoid collision. Some of the other drivers and pedestrians were hailing and waving at him, encouraging him to continue with his James Bond performance. The LASTMA officials pursued him with legs, but Fred was too fast for them. He continued his reverse motion for almost 400 metres like a crazy driver, then cut to the left and sped away, totally escaping before they can mobilise themselves.

Beware of Mobile Pharmacists

Philip boarded the popular molue bus that early Saturday afternoon from Oshodi to Lagos Island in order to purchase some goods for personal use. As usual, the molue was jammed full with passengers with more standing than sitting. Hardly had the bus moved out of the pack than an itinerant pharmacist started advertising his wares in their usual manner. He was selling a wonderful balm, as he called it. This balm, priced N100, has the power to remove all skin diseases or infections. Whether the skin disease is pimples, eczema, rashes, boils, etc, this balm will cure it all within 2 days of being applied to the affected area.

Philip purchased one jar of the balm, as he had some rashes on his back. When he finally got home, he asked his younger brother to help him apply the balm to the affected area. A few hours later, he started feeling some hot sensations in the affected area. Thinking the balm had started working, he decides to endure and ignore it. The hotness continued and Philip became really uncomfortable to the point that he could not sleep all night.

In the morning, he checked the affected part using a large mirror and discovered to his horror that the affected area had enlarged causing some brownness as a result of peeling of the skin. He managed to put on his shirt and went to church. By the following day, which was Monday, the affected area had enlarged more and the pain had become unbearable. He went to work but he could not concentrate on the job. When it was break time he complained to his boss and took the remainder of the day off.

To summarise it all, Philip spent 2 weeks away from work and N15,000 medical fees to cure himself. When he resumed work later and was asked what happened, he said the doctor told him that his skin was allergic to certain chemicals in the constituents of the balm he applied. For applying a balm of N100, he incurred a medical bill of N15,000, 2 weeks absence from work and a lot of pains and discomforts. The bible says "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." Hosea 4:6

Certificate of Road Worthiness

After dancing around with his car in the potholes for over two hours, Tony was already tired and stressed out by the driving. He promised himself that next time, he will make the journey by flight. Tony was driving his 2 months old grade one Tokunbo Toyota Camry car to his home town somewhere in the Eastern part of the country. He was more irked by the endless check-points of policemen who chose to mount their check-points every half-kilometre along the bumpy, potholes-ridden road. Tony was once again stopped at one of the police check-points.


"Oga, where are your particulars?” demanded the pot-bellied police constable. There are three other policemen, including a sergeant where standing a few feet away. Tony gave him all the papers, including his driving license to forestall further questions. After scanning through, the policeman demanded again, "Where is your certificate of road worthiness?"


"Road-worthiness?" queried Tony. "I should first ask you for the certificate of road-worthiness for this your death-trap of a road", fumed Tony. "Your road is not worthy and it's spoiling my vehicle. Therefore, make your road worthy and I'll gladly get a certificate of road worthiness for my car." 

Beer Belly Train Boy

As the train collector finished checking and punching the tickets in the coach, he came and joined the other standing passengers to hang and lean back on the railing to support himself. He rubbed his big stomach. He was a burly man. One will mistake him for a wrestler.

"Beer belly", commented one of the standing male passengers watching him.

"Me?" He queried. "No, I don't drink beers."

"Then why is your tummy so big?" asked the passenger, not giving up easily. "It's only beer that can give one such a big belly."

"Are you saying food cannot make your stomach big?" the train boy queried further. "I don't drink alcohol. I'm a servant of God."

"I don't believe you", continued the passenger, "you must be drinking something else beside water."

"Well, to be honest, I drink only one other thing beside water", admitted the train boy. "It is the other one in sachets. What's the name called?" He looked up for some seconds, then leveled his head and smiled. "Yeah, I remembered, it is called 'Chelsea!'"