Respect a Woman

I and James, a co-worker, were on our way to the Computer Village at Ikeja, Lagos to purchase some computer accessories. James was driving and I sat in the front passenger seat. As usual, there was traffic congestion along the Bank Anthony Way with some policemen and LASTMA officials controlling the traffic at the junction that leads to Toyin Street, via Customs office. We were about to drive past this junction when the traffic policeman stopped our side of the traffic. The flow of traffic was cut off from our car, and so we stopped with our car being in the front and in the right lane. Another car was to our left with other cars behind us.

One female LASTMA official approached us, querying us on why our car should overshoot the one by our left. James answered her "You stopped us, and we stopped. Is that not enough?" I added, "Besides, there are no stop demarcation lines on the road. You can can't expect our car and the other one to stop exactly at the same point." Since she was on a mission, she was not satisfied with our answers. The other LASTMA officials had already joined her and before we could get down, they were already hooking our car to a towing van. I told them that it was not necessary to tow our car, and that we will follow them to their office, when they refused to listen to our entreaties. They removed the towing van and we were about to follow them in their car now parked in our front.

Suddenly, a light-skin, plump woman came out of a wine coloured Toyota car behind us. "Stop!" she commanded the LASTMA officials. "Stop, I say! I saw what happened. You can't book these men. They had committed no traffic offence." They asked her "Who are you? And what is your concern in this matter?" She answered them "If you insist on taking them to your office, I will follow you. When we reached there I will tell you who I am." She turned to the young man by her side, the one who was driving the car she came out from, and commanded "Follow these young men to wherever the LASTMA officials are taking them." With this both she and the man went and sat inside their car, waiting for us to move.

The LASTMA officials consulted among themselves, and they decided to let us go. We looked back to thank this angel of a woman for rescuing us, but she told us "Don't thank me yet. Just drive on and enter a traffic-free street. We are right behind you." We entered a traffic-free street as she instructed and they also entered and followed us. We both parked and came out of our cars. We started thanking her again. "Let me introduce myself" she said. She brought out her business cards and gave us. We gave her ours also. She said she is a printer and a graphic artist. She will be happy for any business we can give her from our office or that of our friends. And so we departed,

As we are going, I looked at the card she gave me again. A printer! I thought she is a Major General in the army or the wife of the Inspector General of Police. Who says women are not powerful? Women should be feared and respected.

Cop Paralysed by a Pointed Gun

It was drama mixed with fear and laughter yesterday at Town Planning Way, Ilupeju in Lagos when a traffic policeman stopped three men on Okada (motorcycle) for not wearing crash helmets. Unknown to the policeman, who was holding a baton, the three men riding the motorcycle are robbers. One of them brought out a gun and pointed it at the policeman.

On seeing the pointed gun, the policeman naturally became paralysed with fear and collapsed to the ground. He tried to get up from the ground, but he fell down again, and again. He started shaking and rolling on the ground. The three men rode away on their motorcycle, leaving the policeman still lying on the ground. The policeman's colleagues later came with a car and carry him to their office in order for him to calm down as he was no longer in a condition to continue working.
I bet the policeman will do a thanksgiving to God in his church on Sunday for this close shave with death.

The Prophet and the Traffic Extortionists

It was difficult not to laugh after Biola finished narrating his experience. At the same time, a shiver of fear ran through me when I saw the way some people almost ruined their lives when they tried to extort money from others by all means. My friend, Biola, is gifted with the power to see what had happened or will happen to others. He is a strong Christian and a lot of people call him prophet.

On this particular Wednesday afternoon, he pulled his car to a stop and parked well off the road around Ijaye in Lagos in other to buy a recharge card for his phone. By the time he returned to his car, some uniformed men, which he later identified as KAI (Kick Against Indiscipline) officials, were waiting by his car. They told him he committed an offence by parking beside the road and that his fine is twenty thousand naira. Biola told them they must be joking as he was not obstructing any traffic. At the long run, they towed his car to their yard in the local government office.

When they got to their office, they met their leader who ordered that one should deflate all the four tyres of Biola's car since he was not ready to co-operate with them. By now Biola had reached the end of his patience and he became angry. Biola is short-tempered and when he is angry, he can do or say anything. Most times when I'm with him, I always move quickly to checkmate his anger.

"You Mr. Man, you are ordering them to deflate my tyres?" Biola pointed at their leader angrily. "That is the next thing to do when people refuse to co-operate", the leader replied. "Listen to me", Biola stared him in the face. "If you deflate a single one of my tyres, you had deflated your wife's five months pregnancy. You can guess what will happen to her if you deflate the four tyres." The man stared back at Biola with horror and commanded the tyres to be left alone. He was visibly shaken by what he has just heard as Biola was right about his wife being five months pregnant.

But one of the officials said that Biola was merely guessing and they should not allow themselves to be deceived by him. He insisted he is going outside to deflate the tyres. Biola said to him calmly, "You can go and deflate my tyres at your own risk. Did you remember having a stomach pain before leaving home this morning? That was just a warning to you to be careful, and now you want to put your head in the hornet’s net. Go ahead if you want." The man knees buckled with fear as he quickly held on to a chair for support. "How... did you... know... know that?" he stammered back at Biola.

At the long run, Biola's car was released to him without him making any payment. They prostrated and apologised to him for their mistake and they asked him to pray for them, which he did. They collected his telephone number and whenever they or their friends need prayers and spiritual counseling, they called him and he is always happy to pray for them.

Remove This Decoration

It is time someone tell the owner or driver of this vehicle to change or totally remove this decoration. If he is not ashamed, then I'm ashamed for him. Is it by force to decorate your vehicle? This curtain has long expired.

Let Him Go! He is a Frustrated Man

Tony was driving home from work three days ago. He was driving a company’s car, which was an unbranded latest model of Toyota Avensis. When he reached the Agric junction, he was in the innermost lane and wanted to change to the outer lane when he was stopped from doing so by policemen on duty.  He was commanded to maintain his current lane till he reaches under the bridge and make a U-Turn. This is not what Tony intended to do. He wanted to go straight.

"But I'm going straight and I don't want to turn under the bridge" he tried to explain to the most senior of the police officers standing beside the road, a Deputy Superintendent of Police ((DSP). "Then you should have followed the outer or middle lane. Go and turn under the bridge, Mr. Man, and stop disturbing the flow of the traffic", the DSP shouted at him. Tony decided to stay put because to go and turn under the bridge meant going back half-way to where he was coming from. Besides, the portion of the road under the bridge is very deplorable. 


Soon other vehicles coming from behind Tony started skirting around him in order to drive past him. He was like that for almost five minutes when the police officer, who had moved away from him by this time, shouted to the one besides Tony’s car, "Let Him Go! He's a Frustrated Man." At this, the policeman left his position and Tony drove off not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

A Checking Too Many

It was a Saturday morning, and Tunde was driving to his office in Yaba, coming from Agege. When he reached Oba Akran at Ikeja, beside Guinness, he met a detachment of Policemen doing some checking. They flagged him and he stopped a few metres away from them. One of them, a Police Constable came over to him. He demanded for his driver's license which Tunde extracted from his purse and silently gave him, while Tunde remained sitting inside the car. Satisfied with that, he returned his driver's license and demanded for the vehicle's particulars. Tunde extracted this from the glove compartment of the car and handed them over without a word. Tunde, driving a brand new company's car, believes he doesn't have anything to fear when it comes to Police Checking.

"Where is your custom paper?" bellowed the Police Constable. "What? Do you expect me to have the custom papers?" Tunde was pissed off. "Look, I'm not the importer or owner. This is a company's car, so I don’t have it" he explained like one talking to a child. "Ok, where is your CMR?" demanded the police man. "What is CMR?" queriedTunde. "Since you don't have CMR, you better come and see my boss" declared the policeman, ignoring Tunde’s question, while pointing to a Police Sergeant chatting with another officer beside a patrol vehicle parked a few metres away. Tunde learnt later that CMR means Police Central Motor Registry.

Tunde did a quick thinking. These policemen will ruin his day if care is not taken. He has to do something fast. He got out and locked the car. He took a few steps to follow the policeman. He stopped and said, "Look, let me park my car well off the road. I don't want any trailer or tanker to run into it. The policeman agreed and waited for him. Tunde entered his car, and turned on the ignition. He engaged the central lock of the car, thereby locking all the doors of the car. He pulled out of the road and zoomed off. He stopped the car some safe metres away from the policeman, rolled down his side glass halfway, looked back at the astonished policeman, made faces at him, and zoomed off laughing like someone demented.

OGD Intervention

About this time last year, Ogun State Ministry of works’ men came with caterpillars and bulldozers to grade this road. This was broadcast live on the television, especially AIT, to draw attention of the public to what Ogun state government was doing at Ota. The workmen dubbed it as "OGD Intervention."  However, they failed to provide effective drainage for the road, which is actually the most important thing needed by this road. Now the road is completely unusable and totally abandoned by all vehicles. It is currently in a worse state than that of last year before the repairs.

This portion of road is called the Plaza junction, about 400 metres from Sango-Ota overhead bridge. If you are coming from the Lagos-Abeokuta old toll-gate, this road serves as an alternative road to Abeokuta if you want to avoid passing through the Sango-Ota junction, or you want to go straight to Ijoko or Agbado. This road is now completely impassable to any vehicle at all due to poor drainage.

Sango-Ota is an important part of Ogun state boasting of many companies that generate revenues for the state. This is apart from residents and small business owners that also contribute to the development of the area. Let Ogun state government focus more attention on Sango-Ota area and help to rehabilitate the major roads. This is an appeal to the Otunba Gbenga Daniel (OGD) administration.

Squatters Along Railway Lines Evicted

Squatters along railways lines around Iju and Agege stations in Lagos State were evicted last weekend, between late in the night of Sunday and early Monday morning. Officials of Nigerian Railway Corporation (NRC) came with bulldozers and heavily armed policemen. The squatters had been previously given 7 days notice by the authority before the demolition exercise. Early this year, the authority had demolished other illegal structures near the railway lines along Yaba, Mushin, Oshodi and Ikeja in Lagos.
Before the demolition, shanty houses made of corrugated iron sheets can be found very close to the railway lines. These structures where so close that one can stretch a hand out of a moving train and touch them.  Apart from adults, there are children or whole families living inside these shanty houses with the risk that one can accidentally step out of the structure and step into the path of a moving train.

This writer learnt that not all the squatters along this railway lines are driven by poverty. There is a case of one squatter who has about 15 okada (commercial motorcycles) that others operate for him. One other squatter has a big generator set which he used to supply electricity to others and he charges them for the use. Yet, another squatter had built a modern toilet which he charges others to use. For such category of squatters we can say greed and the love of money was their motivation.

As of the time of writing this, some of the squatters were trying to salvage what they can out of the demolished structures.

When Changing Lane is Illegal

Adams was driving to his office at Ikeja that Wednesday morning. As usual, he decided to pass through Pen Cinema in Agege. After driving past the railway crossing, he decided to change to the right lane just before he reached the Oba Ogunji statue. This will enable him to turn right and drive straight to Oba Akran Avenue. He changed his lane effortless, without disturbing the free flow of traffics.

Hardly had he changed his lane than a LASTMA traffic official blocked his car, ordering him to pull over to the left for committing traffic offence. At this point, Adams was already making the right turn to take him to Ikeja. "What offense had I committed? I only changed lane and it did not disturb the flow of traffic" he shouted out at the adamant LASTMA traffic official who refuse to budge. By now, a long queue of traffic was already forming behind Adams. Two other LASTMA officials came support the first one, to apprehend Adams. They were trying to force open the doors of his car, which mercifully, were all locked. "Oga, wind up your glass", Adams can hear some passers-by advising him. This he quickly did.

When the LASTMA traffic officials saw that Adams resisted them they started removing the wheel covers of his car. He wanted to turn left to escape via Oba Ogunji Road to Ogba, but the LASTMA officials commanded one other private car to block his exit, which the man obeyed. Seeing this, Adams lowered his window glass slightly and shouted at the driver of the car blocking his escape route, "Mr. Man, what is your business with them? Did I offend you?" On hearing this, the other guy zoomed off with his car, leaving the escape route free for Adams.

As a LASTMA official was coming to block the escape route, Adams pressed down his accelerator, turned sharply right, and his car making a screeching sound, shot forward like a rocket. The LASTMA traffic official that was coming to block his exit jumped out of his path like an Olympic gold medalist. Adams sped away like a maniac, making clean his escape. He lost three wheel covers to the LASTMA traffic officials.

Over-Zealous Traffic Controller

It was one of those traffic-congested days; around lunch break time. Fred was driving from the Computer Village to his office located at Anthony. He needed to get to his office within the next 20 minutes for the presentation in the boardroom. To avoid the usual long lane of traffic congestion that always builds up at Bank-Anthony Way, he decided to drive through the GRA. As he entered Oduduwa Crescent to re-connect to Maryland, he met the traffic go-slow, very thick and slow.

There were 4 lanes in the narrow street road, all going and none coming. Instinctively, he veered to the right-most lane, which was closer to the culvert. The lane was moving faster than others. The left-most lane was facing the oncoming vehicles, which was not supposed to be, and so there was a traffic jam. Only the right-most lane was moving. He counted himself lucky to be in the moving lane. He looked up and observed two LASTMA officials blocking the lane he was taking and another one blocking the left-most lane. They were arresting  those driving through the two outermost lanes. Fred decided to cut to the lane by his left to avoid the LASTMA officials. He managed to force himself to the left lane.

A LASTMA traffic official came and stood in-front of his car, ordering him to turn to the right and pull up. He didn't budge. Another came around to open the passenger door of his car. Fortunately for him, all his doors were locked. "What offense did I commit? Am I facing the on-coming traffic?" he shouted at the one trying to force open his door after sliding his window down just an inch. The LASTMA official pretended not to hear him and another one was coming to join him to apprehend Fred.

Within 2 seconds, Fred decided what to do. There is no way they are going to arrest him, he told himself. He checked his rear-view mirror and discovered that behind him was free as the other cars behind him were turning to other lanes to keep going. He shifted his gear to reverse, press down his accelerator and shot back like a rocket. As he reversed back with speed, all other cars behind him made ways for him to avoid collision. Some of the other drivers and pedestrians were hailing and waving at him, encouraging him to continue with his James Bond performance. The LASTMA officials pursued him with legs, but Fred was too fast for them. He continued his reverse motion for almost 400 metres like a crazy driver, then cut to the left and sped away, totally escaping before they can mobilise themselves.

Beware of Mobile Pharmacists

Philip boarded the popular molue bus that early Saturday afternoon from Oshodi to Lagos Island in order to purchase some goods for personal use. As usual, the molue was jammed full with passengers with more standing than sitting. Hardly had the bus moved out of the pack than an itinerant pharmacist started advertising his wares in their usual manner. He was selling a wonderful balm, as he called it. This balm, priced N100, has the power to remove all skin diseases or infections. Whether the skin disease is pimples, eczema, rashes, boils, etc, this balm will cure it all within 2 days of being applied to the affected area.

Philip purchased one jar of the balm, as he had some rashes on his back. When he finally got home, he asked his younger brother to help him apply the balm to the affected area. A few hours later, he started feeling some hot sensations in the affected area. Thinking the balm had started working, he decides to endure and ignore it. The hotness continued and Philip became really uncomfortable to the point that he could not sleep all night.

In the morning, he checked the affected part using a large mirror and discovered to his horror that the affected area had enlarged causing some brownness as a result of peeling of the skin. He managed to put on his shirt and went to church. By the following day, which was Monday, the affected area had enlarged more and the pain had become unbearable. He went to work but he could not concentrate on the job. When it was break time he complained to his boss and took the remainder of the day off.

To summarise it all, Philip spent 2 weeks away from work and N15,000 medical fees to cure himself. When he resumed work later and was asked what happened, he said the doctor told him that his skin was allergic to certain chemicals in the constituents of the balm he applied. For applying a balm of N100, he incurred a medical bill of N15,000, 2 weeks absence from work and a lot of pains and discomforts. The bible says "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." Hosea 4:6

Certificate of Road Worthiness

After dancing around with his car in the potholes for over two hours, Tony was already tired and stressed out by the driving. He promised himself that next time, he will make the journey by flight. Tony was driving his 2 months old grade one Tokunbo Toyota Camry car to his home town somewhere in the Eastern part of the country. He was more irked by the endless check-points of policemen who chose to mount their check-points every half-kilometre along the bumpy, potholes-ridden road. Tony was once again stopped at one of the police check-points.


"Oga, where are your particulars?” demanded the pot-bellied police constable. There are three other policemen, including a sergeant where standing a few feet away. Tony gave him all the papers, including his driving license to forestall further questions. After scanning through, the policeman demanded again, "Where is your certificate of road worthiness?"


"Road-worthiness?" queried Tony. "I should first ask you for the certificate of road-worthiness for this your death-trap of a road", fumed Tony. "Your road is not worthy and it's spoiling my vehicle. Therefore, make your road worthy and I'll gladly get a certificate of road worthiness for my car." 

Beer Belly Train Boy

As the train collector finished checking and punching the tickets in the coach, he came and joined the other standing passengers to hang and lean back on the railing to support himself. He rubbed his big stomach. He was a burly man. One will mistake him for a wrestler.

"Beer belly", commented one of the standing male passengers watching him.

"Me?" He queried. "No, I don't drink beers."

"Then why is your tummy so big?" asked the passenger, not giving up easily. "It's only beer that can give one such a big belly."

"Are you saying food cannot make your stomach big?" the train boy queried further. "I don't drink alcohol. I'm a servant of God."

"I don't believe you", continued the passenger, "you must be drinking something else beside water."

"Well, to be honest, I drink only one other thing beside water", admitted the train boy. "It is the other one in sachets. What's the name called?" He looked up for some seconds, then leveled his head and smiled. "Yeah, I remembered, it is called 'Chelsea!'"